Tuesday, September 13, 2016

PAUSE...

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Dear readers!

I'm sorry to inform you that due to time limitations, I will now pause this blog for some time.


But until we meet again; I highly recommend you to read my manual: Self-Help Manual For Relatives of Substance Abusers

The prize is only $4.99 and you can download it through the free Kindle app at Amazon HERE.



 


Comments from people who've read the manual:

- Working on the questions in the material has strengthened me and gave me the courage to bring up sensitive topics.

- The exercises in this manual have made me understand some things about my own behavior, and about my relative who is a substance addict. It has made me think differently.

- The self-help manual helped me to let go of some of my control and as a result my relationship to my husband is much better.

- The manual is comforting and something that I can go back to and read whenever I want.

- The self-help manual feels like a trusted friend that I can come back to if I need to.

- I got a new picture of what I can change and what is my responsibility, and what isn’t. It has also changed the way I communicate with my relative with alcohol problems.

- Now I feel stronger and I’m able to speak up more without getting a bad conscience afterwards.


You can also look through the previous post here, or all the 197 posts that I've written during the years at: codependencyinfo.blogspot.se. I guarantee that you will find much interesting stuff!



TAKE CARE & ALL THE BEST! 
 /Carina 


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Something to Think About?

There are many different opinions when it comes to medical treatment of drug addiction. One of the most common questions in the debate is: should you replace one drug with another drug, with the goal of getting rid of addiction? There's no easy answer. The discussion about the use of buprenorphine in treatment has been in focus for a long time. Buprenorphine is a highly addictive substance which is used for the treatment of opioid addiction.

I found the following article about medical treatment, mainly that of buprenorphine, written by Jake Nichols, interesting. Nichols is a pharmacists who has suffered from opioid addiction. He's now drug free, due to both therapy and 12-step programs, but also buprenorphine. Despite his relatively positive view of medical treatment and its benefits, he also talks about the need for more research and a discussion about what kind of restrictions there should be and how the different treatment methods should look like.


Click on this link to read Jake Nichols article about medical treatment and buprenorphine


Thursday, September 1, 2016

Stop looking for errors - Focus on yourself

A wise person once told me: "drugs are the devil on earth."

I'm inclined to agree. Drugs lead to terrible consequences and create a lot of suffering for both the person with addiction and those who are close to the person.

 It's common that relatives blame themselves for the person's addiction, which may easily lead to self-accusations and self-hate. What many people do is trying to find the “error” or the “fault”, either in the whole situation, in the other person, or in oneself.

Try to avoid this type of “troubleshooting”. The disease of addiction is a complex disorder that often depends on many factors and situations. All factors combined lead to the person making destructive choices (choices that probably felt positive for the person in the beginning), which then lead to an addiction.

So it's not worth finding "faults" and “errors”. Instead, try and find a solid ground to stand on. Find situations, places, feelings and thoughts that make you feel safe. Try avoiding taking big, decisive decisions whenever possible. If you instead would turn his thoughts to show your compassion and important decisions if possible. 

What are you in need of right now? A reliable friend? A warm bed? A little food in your stomach? A cup of tea? Write something in a journal? A nap? To cry for a while? 

Give yourself that. Right now.


Saturday, August 27, 2016

Clear and direct communication!

Today I've been thinking about communication. How do you talk and discuss addiction with a person with a substance abuse problem?


When talking to relatives, I have noticed that many don't mention "alcohol" or "drugs" by name when talking to their close one. This may create ambiguity, misunderstanding and it may also lead to denial from both sides. 

Unclear vs. clear communication

An example might be that the relative says: "You seem tired today, I don't want to have dinner with you when you are so tired and sluggish." Instead of clearly saying: "I feel uncomfortable having dinner with you when you have been drinking. I really like having dinner with you when you're sober." 

When using the first example, the signal going out to the person with an addiction might be that he/she needs to be "awake" and alert in order to have dinner with the other person. The sentence doesn't directly have anything to do with drugs or alcohol, and the person may keep being in denial.

When using the second example, you clearly state your opinion; what you really think is the problem, and how you would like the situation to look like instead. There's no place for misunderstanding or false accusations, and even if the person doesn't do what you would like him/her to do, you've clearly stated your point! 


To dare expressing own opinions, thoughts and feelings can help both yourself and other people! This can be applied to all areas in life.


All the best to you!
/Carina


Monday, August 22, 2016

If Your Teen or Young Adult Has a Problem with Drugs

This is a re-post from something that I wrote some time ago. I wanted to publish it again since the topic is very important and highly relevant when it comes to how our society looks like today: illegal drugs are very easy to access, mainly because of the internet. I hope this post can be helpful to you as a parent to a teenager or young adult. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Love = Live together?

There's one thing that I keep thinking about: do you really have to live together with a person just because you love him/her?

I often hear people justify their stay in destructive relationships with the phrase: "But I love him!", and therefore, letting their limits be moved, letting themselves being exposed to the situations which only hurt them. Allowing themselves to live in a relationship where they don't feel good. 

Because they love someone...


Sunday, August 7, 2016

SUNDAY'S CHALLENGE: Take care of yourself - in the long term!

Congratulations! 

Today's the last day of the “challenge week”! 

In the end, the challenges were for YOU.

But we're not quite finished yet, see today's challenge in the picture below!  

And here are some final questions you can think about: in what kind of ways did you take care of yourself? Did you find it hard? Easy? Which challenge did you find most rewarding? If any of these challenges helped you, try doing them again!  


See you again dear readers and followers! TAKE CARE!
/ Carina

Saturday, August 6, 2016

SATURDAY'S CHALLENGE: Say no, and say yes!!


Prioritize and take a stand to something you don't want to do, and to something you want to do! Listen to your needs! See the exercise on the picture.

Keep up the good work! :)
/ Carina

Friday, August 5, 2016

FRIDAY'S CHALLENGE: Write a thank you-list!


Research shows that people who have the ability to feel gratitude are happier. So go ahead! See the picture and write a thank you-list today!

I'm thankful for doing this challenge!
/ Carina

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

TUESDAY'S CHALLENGE: Strengthen your social network


• Social support (if positive) reduces feelings of guilt and shame
• Social support strengthens our immune system
• Social support reduces stress and increases our ability to handle stress

See the challenge in the picture! Good luck! I hope you find it useful :)


Monday, August 1, 2016

MONDAY'S CHALLENGE: How satisfied are you today?

THE CHALLENGE HAS BEGUN!

I'm really looking forward to this week with focus on greater well-being! I'm convinced that if you do the daily challenges, you'll notice that there are some easy steps which you can take that might be useful to you!


Every morning at 8 am (Central European Summer Time) until Sunday I'll post a daily challenge. The challenges aren't difficult; they're meant to be easy so you can do them in everyday life.

HERE'S THE FIRST CHALLENGE! (see the picture below): Please rate your satisfaction in the various areas of life. I would like to know your answer to the question: What's the easiest thing you can do to increase your satisfaction in one of these areas? 


GOOD LUCK! :)
/Carina

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Prepare for the “challenge week”, starting TOMORROW!



One week with simple, daily challenges in order to improve your well-being!

Every day at 8 am (Central European Summer Time), starting tomorrow, I'll post a new challenge on my Facebook page!

GOOD LUCK!

/Carina 

Prepare for the “challenge week”, starting TOMORROW!



One week with simple, daily challenges in order to improve your well-being!

Every day at 8 am (Central European Summer Time), starting tomorrow, I'll post a new challenge. I hope you find them helpful!

GOOD LUCK!

/Carina 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

"CHALLENGE WEEK"!


PREPARE FOR THE "CHALLENGE WEEK"!

With the goal of improving your well-being, I'll post an easy daily challenge every morning at 8 am (Central European Summer Time) for a week, starting Monday! The challenge is for YOU! The task is for you to do them during the day, and a suggestion might be to reflect on how you think you did and how it felt like in the evening. I'm really looking forward to doing the challenges my self!


Take care! /Carina 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

What does other relatives say about the Self-help manual?

Hоw do уоu ѕоlvе thе сrіѕеѕ іn thе lives of someone сlоѕе tо уоu who happens to be уоur ѕроuѕе addicted tо tаkіng Marijuana or уоur child whо is аddісtеd to drugѕ or alcohol?

Sеlf-Hеlр Manual fоr Rеlаtіvеѕ оf Subѕtаnсе Abusers іѕ рublіѕhеd on Amаzоn Kindle. Itѕ aim is tо enable fоr the rеlаtіvеѕ, іn thе сіrсumѕtаnсеѕ they are living іn rіght nоw, tо free thеіr potential аnd focus оn thеmѕеlvеѕ, thеіr lіvеѕ and ѕіtuаtіоn through the support оf this manual and come сlоѕеr to thе gоаlѕ аnd drеаmѕ that they have.

Thе ѕеlf-hеlр mаnuаl іѕ аbоut thе rеlаtіvеѕ' situation аnd fоr thоѕе who want tо ѕtаrt a gradual process tо a lаrgеr wеllbеіng. It рrоvіdеѕ perspectives on thе rеlаtіvе'ѕ situation аnd аbоut thе rеlаtіvе'ѕ emancipation frоm аbuѕе rоllеrсоаѕtеr оf ѕеlf-hеlр еxеrсіѕеѕ for thе rеаdеr.

Rеlаtіvеѕ саn bе affected іn various wауѕ. Oftеn the word “со-dереndеnсу” іѕ uѕеd tо еxрlаіn thе bеhаvіоr раttеrnѕ of a rеlаtіvе tо a ѕubѕtаnсе abuser аnd thоѕе who are emotionally affected by thе abuser. Thе еxрrеѕѕіоn оf co-dependency саn bе very dіffеrеnt fоr dіffеrеnt individuals. The ѕіtuаtіоnѕ and life circumstances саn be different - реrhарѕ thе rеlаtіvе іѕ уоur сhіld, your раrеnt or another mеmbеr оf уоur close family. It can bе уоur huѕbаnd or wіfе, оr it can bе somebody you аrе working with dаіlу or a close frіеnd. The relationship соuld be nеw or реrhарѕ уоu have lived wіth thе ѕubѕtаnсе аbuѕеr аll your life. Maybe hе or ѕhе is the fаthеr or mother to уоur children.

Bеlоw are ѕоmе of thе еxсеllеnt reviews аnd соmmеntѕ frоm thе buyers on thе Amаzоn:

1.    I wаntеd tо feel safe and ѕесurе. I wаntеd to lіvе wіthоut fеаr, without thrеаtѕ frоm my аlсоhоlіс fаthеr. I could nоt make mу mother dіvоrсе him, but I соuld change *mу* approach. Carina Bаng dеѕсrіbеѕ vеrу рrесіѕеlу hоw substance аbuѕе аffесtѕ a fаmіlу’ѕ life. Shе describes the bеhаvіоr of thе fаmіlу mеmbеrѕ. It is ѕо precise аѕ if she hаd known mу fаmіlу fоr уеаrѕ.

2.    I can rеаllу and trulу recommend thіѕ mаnuаl, I thіnk it'll bе hеlрful fоr еvеrу person bеіng a relative/friend/spouse to ѕоmеоnе ѕuffеrіng frоm аlсоhоl- оr drug аbuѕе. Both whеn іt comes tо helping thе реrѕоn, but also hеlріng oneself... I think thаt was thе mоѕt rewarding раrt by reading іt!

3.    Hіghlу rесоmmеnd thіѕ bооk іf you lіvе wіth anyone who ѕuffеrѕ frоm ѕubѕtаnсе abuse but also perhaps if уоu live wіth people with mental іllnеѕѕ оr dіѕаbіlіtіеѕ. Mаnу books аddrеѕѕ thе nееdѕ оf thе раtіеnt, vеrу fеw bооkѕ address thе need for the саrеrѕ.


The аuthоr Carina Bång has еxtеnѕіvе еxреrіеnсе in motivating реорlе wіth ѕubѕtаnсе abuse рrоblеmѕ tо сhаngе аnd supporting fаmіlіеѕ tо соре with thе situation. Cаrіnа hаѕ a Bасhеlоr’ѕ degree in Crіmіnоlоgу and іѕ a сеrtіfіеd ACC-coach (International Coach Fеdеrаtіоn).  Cаrіnа wrote thіѕ mаnuаl bесаuѕе ѕhе іѕ convinced thаt іt іѕ tіmе tо рut thе rеlаtіvеѕ аnd thеіr hеаlth іn fосuѕ and thаt everybody іn thе family wіll benefit frоm thіѕ.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Being brought up in families with alcohol- or drug addiction

On a forum in Sweden for relatives to substance abusers my colleague Ann-Charlotte Johansson and I  carried out a survey with some interesting results.

Here is a summary. (This was not a scientific survey, but it still shows significant signals). 80 people responded to the survey, mainly women. 44 people of the respondents grew up in a family where one parent or both parents had alcohol or drug problems.

* 44 people said they have grown up with parents with substance abuse including alcohol problems (37 people), alcohol + drug problems (4 people), drugs (1 person) and alcohol and medical drugs (2 people).

* 40 of the 44 people said that they experienced discomfort, fear and threat in the situations when their parents drank or were in the influence of other substances. 14 people answered that they were subjected to violence during the adults' alcohol or drug intake. 25 people said that they saw others being victims of violence during situations where someone was intoxicated, and that the violence was mostly directed against the mother. In some cases, the violence was also directed against siblings and in 2 cases against the father.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Shame & Guilt

Shame and Guilt - I've written about it before, but it's something I want to bring up again, since these are feelings which take up a big part of many people's lives.

My dear colleague Ann-Charlotte Johansson have shared her knowledge about guilt and shame. Many thanks!



To feel guilt and shame can help people seeing their own limits, but when these emotions are rooted in something dysfunctional, our “inner guidance” is not reliable and our self-image becomes distorted. As a relative to a person suffering from an alcohol- or drug addiction, you're probably familiar with feelings of guilt and shame.



As a close one to a person with addiction, you may try and maintaining a type of facade. It's common that a person suffer from thoughts like: "what if others would know?", "what would they say at work?". These thoughts of shame may take over and affect a person's daily life. Furthermore, a feeling of guilt may occur when you for example can't help your close one.



According to Marta Cullberg Weston, psychologist, psychotherapist and author of numerous of books, there's two types of shame: the temporary shame and the chronic shame. The first one occurs in a specific type of situation, when we've for example made a big mistake. We might blush and feel "offended". The chronic shame is more harmful and is rooted in the individual's self-image; for example that he/she is useless or not worthy of being loved.This is the type of shame we have to deal with. 

 

Do you feel shame and guilt? 
 

In order to identify in which areas in your life you feel shame or guilt, try filling in the following sentences: 
 

- "I don't want people to think that I'm ..."
- "I don't want to be seen as a person who ..."
- "I would die if people found out that I ..."
- "I can't stand the thought that others would perceive me as ..."



What can you do to in order to handle your feelings of shame and guilt?



We need to recognize and face our shame, guilt, sadness, anger – well, all the feelings we've pushed aside in order to endure our daily life. A kind of conciliation process will help a person seeing things more clearly and a picture of how the person want his/her life to look like will begin to take shape. When you'll start focusing on the parts in your life which you're actually able to influence and change, the shame and guilt will start to subside.



Instead of running away from your feelings of shame and guilt – face them! A good start might be talking about the one thing that might affect your life a lot; your close one's addiction.
 



The text is translated from a post written by Ann-Charlotte Johansson